So I've been back in Saskatchewan in the same place (quick trips to Saskatoon and Brandon do not count as travel of course) for about 8 weeks now. Christmas was good, I'm very thankful for the gifts I received, but really it was depressing as it brought about all kinds of thoughts and memories of people that are no longer here. However, discounting falsely built-up holidays like Christmas, things have officially gotten to the point where stumbling across a Manneken Pis corkscrew brings about fond memories of Brussels and a longing sensation. Which, to long for Brussels of all places, in case I haven't quite clearly expressed my feelings about that city in previous blogs, is a bit of a warning flag.
Not to mention the fact that this longing for travel, excitement, and international ventures naturally brings up the work and career question, which is still helplessly unresolved and open ended. Which then brings about anxiety about the job search, about different paths and fields, about potential cities and opportunities, and about skills and effort, all mixed in with an excitably anxious yet timid and overwhelmed feeling about what lies ahead. Then this of course makes a full circle back to questioning my present environment. Questioning negative and destructive influences and their effect on myself, questioning stagnant activity and its effect on my skills, prospects and future, and questioning the very people around me, our relationship, and my relationship with the world. Finally, that last bit brings me to this pointlessly destructive spiral of re-hashing all the criticism (both fair and completely and utterly unjustified, harsh, and debilitating) that I've received over the course of the last 8 months. As you can imagine, this all then leads me to unnecessary and unneeded depression and stress, which unfortunately manifests itself physically on my body with incapacitating stomach pains and lack of appetite, bringing about nausea and headaches. Which all sums up to leave me at my present state laying in bed, unable to focus long enough to work on my essay for my most recent job application, effectively restarting the cycle.
I do know however, that I really just need to get my mind of things and re-find my balance. However right now, even the thought of Jasmin's New Years Eve party tomorrow, which I am basically co-hosting, makes me nauseous and want to lock myself up in my room. On a positive note though, my 2 week+ trip to Edmonton and Vancouver is only a week away. I'm really hoping that it will be the escape I need to regain perspective and focus, and in short, get a grip on things. In the meantime then, I'm off to watch another dozen or so episodes of The Big Bang Theory in attempts to lose myself in Sheldon and Leonard's entertainingly facetious affairs.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Understanding the 'other'
It's been about a month and a half back in Saskatchewan, and I again find myself sitting peacefully in the kitchen within a dark house still slumbering, watching the slow sunrise with my Toasted Walnut Christmas tea and laptop. Granted this time I am sitting here a full two hours later; the sun just happens to only make a short appearance in our days this time of the year. But I cannot believe it's already been a month that has passed by. Over a month. While Switzerland feels a lifetime away, it feels like just last week I landed in Winnipeg from Brussels with Vera dropping me at the airport.
Admittedly, the first week or two being back I was hating life; my being sick and stranded at home on the couch did not help matters. But slowly I was reacquainted with not only Canadian lifestyles, but small town Canada, and all the drinking that comes with it. My poor liver. Thank god I'll be leaving again in a month or two, because I don't think my body could handle living here for longer than that. I also terribly miss walking everywhere. It's too bloody cold here to walk any distance longer than the distance to the truck without bundling up like you're preparing for the apocalypse.
During the first month back, notwithstanding the first week or two of course, time just flew by. To the point where it was actually going too quickly for my liking, and I didn't think I'd have enough time in the Prairies if you can believe it. But after living abroad the last year and a half and completing a Masters, and everything that goes with it, being back here feels like a vacation. Seriously. Because abroad, while a glorious experience, its true that sometimes seemingly simple events like going to the bank or paying a deposit can be great ordeals. But here, everything is easy. Soo easy. Opening an account at the local bank is as easy as walking in, "Hey Cindy, I'd like to open an account here," rather than passport photocopies, visa and ID papers, an hour of signing my life away and awaiting many future complications and trials. Not to mention the fact that for the very first time in my life, I'm not working or in school. And I'm staying with my mother which logistically is hassle free. It really is like a vacation. For what is a vacation anyway if not the mental escape from the stress and hassle of your day to day life?
However, unlike a vacation, I feel like my time back here is a karmic test of sorts. A test to see if I can retain all the wonderful life lessons and wisdoms I've learned and acquired and apply them here of all places. You see, because its actually quite easy to have a wonderfully healthy balanced lifestyle when you're travelling and in a different multicultural and enriching environment all the time. You and your lifestyle balanced with that of your city or place becomes the constant factor and source of wellbeing. However, back in a place such as rural SK, where there is very much a set way of life, mindset, and pattern of living, it is a whole different story. To retain even a remote sense of higher balance with ancient wisdom, or deeper meaning of life, or profound sense of self and wellbeing is a challenge to say the least. Particularly in a place that is confused by and mocks difference and individuality. Not to mention progress or change.
Any influence originating outside their immediate frame of reference is perceived as a threat and is discarded. Sometimes the act itself is embraced and not outright dejected, but even labelling something simple as a foreign act or gesture is imposing cultural boundaries between the thing in question and your own way of life. Demarcating the differences between the two and acknowledging that the act is 'foreign' is perceiving it as profoundly and inherently different and an act of 'the other'.
To be fair however, I don't necessarily think this behaviour is in any way different than other small towns around the world. I think its actually quite characteristic of small towns and rural folk to reject outside influence and change. I think the difference here may lie in the cultural presence. In other places, this rejection is seen as a way of preserving and maintaining the traditional culture and way of life. Whereas here, in a place such as rural Canada so famously lacking in a distinct unifying culture, the rejection of change and mocking of difference is itself part of the culture, as much as is the heavy drinking and slow pace of life.
All this being said, the people of rural Sask are also world famously known of their incredible generosity and friendliness. So while they may not like you, and they may reject any notion of attempting to understand your culture, your practices, or your beliefs, they will still welcome you with open arms and invite you over for coffee, dainties, food and drinks, and even find some conversation topic that you both can share, although it will most likely be the weather or gossip.
So with all of this, this karmic test has definitely had its share of triumphs and resounding failures, one of which being healthy balanced lifestyle. (Seriously, you try being healthy when everyone around you does nothing but eat either bland food loaded with chemicals and preservatives or fast food and deep fried bar foods that are mostly composed of meat and carbs, not to mention the constant sitting down and not moving.) But I think one of the greatest triumphs I've had has been in retaining an understanding and appreciation of 'the other' and being able to apply it here. Because as it may sound like I am berating or judging small town folk and the rural Saskatchewan way of life, I have actually (and rather astoundingly I might add, especially for anyone what knows me), developed an appreciation for it. For people are not just the culmination of their positive or negative attributes, but have to be examined and admired rather as a whole of positive and negative features. Indeed, I think its even misjudging to label the attributes positive or negative, for who decides what cultural and individual attributes and perceptions are either 'positive' or 'negative'? I mean, with just a quick glance at the state of the earth and international affairs today, I think its safe to say absolutely no culture or group of people or individual are completely free from flaw. So despite everything, including my lack of means to support myself, lack of all around productivity, and my healthy state going to hell, I think gaining that seemingly little piece of understanding and appreciation towards small towns and Redvers in particular, a place I so fervently resented, has made this little sojourn in my life completely and totally worthwhile.
Admittedly, the first week or two being back I was hating life; my being sick and stranded at home on the couch did not help matters. But slowly I was reacquainted with not only Canadian lifestyles, but small town Canada, and all the drinking that comes with it. My poor liver. Thank god I'll be leaving again in a month or two, because I don't think my body could handle living here for longer than that. I also terribly miss walking everywhere. It's too bloody cold here to walk any distance longer than the distance to the truck without bundling up like you're preparing for the apocalypse.
During the first month back, notwithstanding the first week or two of course, time just flew by. To the point where it was actually going too quickly for my liking, and I didn't think I'd have enough time in the Prairies if you can believe it. But after living abroad the last year and a half and completing a Masters, and everything that goes with it, being back here feels like a vacation. Seriously. Because abroad, while a glorious experience, its true that sometimes seemingly simple events like going to the bank or paying a deposit can be great ordeals. But here, everything is easy. Soo easy. Opening an account at the local bank is as easy as walking in, "Hey Cindy, I'd like to open an account here," rather than passport photocopies, visa and ID papers, an hour of signing my life away and awaiting many future complications and trials. Not to mention the fact that for the very first time in my life, I'm not working or in school. And I'm staying with my mother which logistically is hassle free. It really is like a vacation. For what is a vacation anyway if not the mental escape from the stress and hassle of your day to day life?
However, unlike a vacation, I feel like my time back here is a karmic test of sorts. A test to see if I can retain all the wonderful life lessons and wisdoms I've learned and acquired and apply them here of all places. You see, because its actually quite easy to have a wonderfully healthy balanced lifestyle when you're travelling and in a different multicultural and enriching environment all the time. You and your lifestyle balanced with that of your city or place becomes the constant factor and source of wellbeing. However, back in a place such as rural SK, where there is very much a set way of life, mindset, and pattern of living, it is a whole different story. To retain even a remote sense of higher balance with ancient wisdom, or deeper meaning of life, or profound sense of self and wellbeing is a challenge to say the least. Particularly in a place that is confused by and mocks difference and individuality. Not to mention progress or change.
Any influence originating outside their immediate frame of reference is perceived as a threat and is discarded. Sometimes the act itself is embraced and not outright dejected, but even labelling something simple as a foreign act or gesture is imposing cultural boundaries between the thing in question and your own way of life. Demarcating the differences between the two and acknowledging that the act is 'foreign' is perceiving it as profoundly and inherently different and an act of 'the other'.
To be fair however, I don't necessarily think this behaviour is in any way different than other small towns around the world. I think its actually quite characteristic of small towns and rural folk to reject outside influence and change. I think the difference here may lie in the cultural presence. In other places, this rejection is seen as a way of preserving and maintaining the traditional culture and way of life. Whereas here, in a place such as rural Canada so famously lacking in a distinct unifying culture, the rejection of change and mocking of difference is itself part of the culture, as much as is the heavy drinking and slow pace of life.
All this being said, the people of rural Sask are also world famously known of their incredible generosity and friendliness. So while they may not like you, and they may reject any notion of attempting to understand your culture, your practices, or your beliefs, they will still welcome you with open arms and invite you over for coffee, dainties, food and drinks, and even find some conversation topic that you both can share, although it will most likely be the weather or gossip.
So with all of this, this karmic test has definitely had its share of triumphs and resounding failures, one of which being healthy balanced lifestyle. (Seriously, you try being healthy when everyone around you does nothing but eat either bland food loaded with chemicals and preservatives or fast food and deep fried bar foods that are mostly composed of meat and carbs, not to mention the constant sitting down and not moving.) But I think one of the greatest triumphs I've had has been in retaining an understanding and appreciation of 'the other' and being able to apply it here. Because as it may sound like I am berating or judging small town folk and the rural Saskatchewan way of life, I have actually (and rather astoundingly I might add, especially for anyone what knows me), developed an appreciation for it. For people are not just the culmination of their positive or negative attributes, but have to be examined and admired rather as a whole of positive and negative features. Indeed, I think its even misjudging to label the attributes positive or negative, for who decides what cultural and individual attributes and perceptions are either 'positive' or 'negative'? I mean, with just a quick glance at the state of the earth and international affairs today, I think its safe to say absolutely no culture or group of people or individual are completely free from flaw. So despite everything, including my lack of means to support myself, lack of all around productivity, and my healthy state going to hell, I think gaining that seemingly little piece of understanding and appreciation towards small towns and Redvers in particular, a place I so fervently resented, has made this little sojourn in my life completely and totally worthwhile.
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