In 4 years I've probably made hundreds of new friends, and kept the few that are worthwhile. I've learned so many new things and talked to so many new people. I have met people from all over the world. I have had so many new experiences. I have went to live in Belgium. I've gotten a Bachelors Degree and started a Masters. I've been in and out of a few relationships. I could keep going forever, but bottom line is that almost everything imaginable in my life has changed. To think what a difference 4 years in time can make. What a difference one bad night can make for that matter... Proof of all this is that most of you in my life today won't even know what I'm taking about. 4 years ago today, on Dec 11th, 2006 Josh committed suicide.
Some people wonder why I'm so camera-happy at times, wanting to snap pictures of people and moments. I've been told almost everything. "I don't need pictures of myself" "I'll remember this just fine without pictures" Well it's not for you that I take pictures.
These of Josh were all taken Late Summer and Fall of 2006. I'm pretty sure I had to force him into most of these pictures, but I'm glad I did. Sadly I don't even think I have one remotely "recent" picture of Dad and I.
Some people also wonder why I'm so blunt at times, why I'll leave some parties early and never show up for others, why I'll spend inordinate amounts of time with some people and not even say hi to others, why I want to take up every whim and instinct I have, why I want to follow up on plans and dreams and turn them in to a reality, and why I try to make the best of every situation. Well it's very simple... life is too short to spend it faking happiness, or in company you don't enjoy. It's too short not to enjoy living in the moment and making moments count. It's too short to leave something important unsaid, or to not have followed your instincts when you should have. It's far too short to be dramatic about the little things, and people who know me will tell you that I have very little patience for that. Because once something major happens, such as one of your favorite people in the world passing away in a car accident when you're 14, or a good friend committing suicide at age 18, it puts everything else in to perspective. How can it not. You realize that life is a collection of moments and thoughts, and it's the good and important ones that you remember. So try to make as many good memories as you can, with the people that you love. Life is far too short to spend it in the company of ass-holes, wishing you were somewhere else.
Take the time to be alone. Take the time to be with family. Take the time to be with great friends. Take the time to make new friends that might become great ones. Take the time to fall in love. Take the time to follow up on plans and make them a reality. Take the time to tell someone the truth. Take the time to tell someone what they mean to you. Take the time to really live life, because not everyone will get all the time they want to do so.
Sarah, I couldnt of said it better myself. Josh knew how to make a big impact some someone`s life even if you only knew him for a couple hours or a few years. In 4 years, so much has changed. And honestly, I wish it didnt have to happen this way, but he taught me after what happened that life is too short. That you gotta stand up for yourself and not take crap, try new things, etc. I just wish he could have been there to see me come out of that shell when I realized it all. That guy had the biggest impact on my life since my first day of school here. I will always miss him and love that guy like crazy.
ReplyDeleteSpeechless, Sarah. Amazing post.
ReplyDeleteGod I miss him so much.